for my cat Britney, ten years on
a tribute to mark the tenth anniversary of her passing
The following poem comes with the option to listen to my voiceover of it, which is accompanied by an original piece of music I composed in Britney’s memory.
You climbed in through our window
In the house we’d newly moved into.
A runaway from a neglectful neighbour.
You chose us as your new home.
You must’ve been barely older than a kitten,
While I was barely 6.
But for 15 years you stayed with us,
And now for 10 you’ve long been gone.
From film to digital, from camcorder to smartphone,
Your picture was taken dozens of times
Across over a dozen years,
Yet it was still nowhere near enough.
You deserved so much better than what we gave you.
You deserved to be with people who could love you
As much as you loved us.
But my mother hated anything she couldn’t control,
And she tried her best to make me see you as a burden.
Yet you always stayed with us.
You still climbed up on my lap and stomach,
And kneaded imaginary dough to get yourself comfortable for napping.
You still gave me affectionate headbutts and dolphin pets.
You still believed I was worth loving,
Even when my mother and my mind said I wasn’t.
And then one day, it was your last day.
No warning, no goodbye.
You were simply no more.
Life gone, eyes vacant, body limp in my trembling hands as I placed you in a shoebox,
Carrying you with me on a bus to the nearest vet,
Numbly fragile and quiet,
No one else knowing you were there with me,
In a box, in a bag, on my lap, soon to be ashes.
To this day
You come to me in my sleep.
Like you, the words of Neutral Milk Hotel haunt me when they say:
“In my dreams, you’re alive.”
In that realm where the impossible is but a suggestion,
You return to me as if no time had passed.
Still my feline companion.
Still my childhood pet.
Still my family.
Still my Britney.
